Monthly Archives: August 2014

Beauty Before Me, Beauty Around Me

August 29, 2014

It is hard for me to sit down by my swimming pool, put my feet up on a stool, and look at the beautiful garden without seeing all the jobs that I need to do. I can build to-do lists in my head without any paper. On this late afternoon, I look across the rock-edged pool to the two sharp-leafed yuccas at the shallow end of the pool. At their feet the bright yellow black-eyed susans hold up their sunny faces, like children to school teachers on the first day of school. Nearby a humming bird is loving up the red blossoms of the cardinal flower, and next to them the crape myrtle is shedding its bark to reveal beautiful layers of dark red.

But my eyes move behind the two yuccas to the tall weeds that need to be yanked out. And further behind them to the dead tips of the low growing cedar hit by rust; the dead branches need to be cut out before the disease advances further. In the background on the grassy slope of the hill, the late afternoon sun lights up the gray leafless branches of the cherry tree stricken by fire blight. Bill planted this tree, and our daughter picked cherries from the tree to bake cherry pies for him on Father’s Day. Now the tree is almost entirely dead and needs to be removed.

And in that moment, a bluebird flies into the dead tree and perches on a gray branch. It is as blue as the cloudless sky above. All I can see is beauty.

Beauty before me, beauty around me. All I need to do is stop and look.

“That’s Where the Light Shines In”

August 27, 2014

 A few months after Bill’s death from cancer in 2010, one of my ministers in her sermon told the story about a young man who was severely injured in a motorcycle accident and who lost his leg. He was very bitter and angry. During art therapy, he drew pictures full of darkness. One day he drew a picture of a large vase with a jagged crack down the center. But in time, he grew less angry, and he began to reach out to others who had suffered similar accidents. During one of his visits to the hospital, he stopped to say hello to the art therapist who handed him the folder of his drawings. He opened it and thumbed through the drawings, then stopped and drew out the drawing of the broken vase. “This one is not finished,” he said, and picked up a yellow crayon and began to fill in the crack with yellow. “There,” he said, “that’s where the light shines in.” 

My eyes filled with tears as my minister ended the story. Perhaps in time the light would shine through the terrible hole in my heart. I did not see how.

But four years later, I think it has. I like to think I have always been a compassionate person, but I believe I have become more attuned to others’ grief. One of my young friends gets angry when told that suffering makes us more compassionate. We do not have to suffer to be compassionate, but unless we roll into a ball of grief and never uncurl, in time our grief and loss softens our hearts. We better understand the pain that others carry, and we realize that everyone we meet is carrying a great burden of some kind.  

I just finished reading a Washington Post article about Anna Whiston-Donaldson, who has written a memoir Rare Bird about the loss of her 12-year old son in a flooded creek. “Perhaps, she says, her story will offer help and hope to those in mourning, and soften the hearts of those who cross their paths.”

 May all of our hearts be softened and may we reach out to those in need.